Counting the positives... and the square footage.

I know I can't be the only one who tends to miss the little positives when they happen. As I continue through this pregnancy my anxiety is definitely growing, and I am becoming decidedly more duck-like! *Calm on the surface, paddling like billio underneath, trying desperately to stay afloat.*

There will always be things to worry about. I'm talking proper grown-up 'adult' worries. Like why does the Tax man still think my husband is self employed after 2 years of working PAYE, and do we or do we not owe them over £2000? Or how am I supposed to reduce our payments on the house if his work won't give him access to the payslips we need in order to remortgage? Or how on earth are we supposed to fit yet another child into said house when new-builds have ZERO storage space and we were already struggling to fit with just the one?

That last one has kept me up at nights, especially recently. With every kick, every nudge, every 'Jees O, will you get your foot out of there!' I am reminded that we are on a fairly tight, absolute, unyielding schedule. This baby WILL arrive before the end of August, one way or another. While I think we can all agree that the infant itself will take up relatively little space (not much more than a hamster really) it's everything else that has me in a bit of a panic.

The generosity of others never ceases to amaze me. Following the birth of our first daughter we had to floor the loft in order to store the many MANY clothes, toys, play centres, feeding accessories and jungle gyms that suddenly filled our tiny home. I fully intend to reuse as much as possible with our second, but you can be fairly sure the same wonderful people are going to gift just as much, and while I am thrilled to have these people in our lives and can hardly wait to see what little delights she is given, nonetheless, space is going to be tight.

So it was important to me that this weekend we made at least SOME headway with the nursery, or as it had become known, 'the stuff room'. Of course, this would have been a lot simpler if my husband hadn't been working all Saturday and half of Sunday...

Still, the nesting instinct is STRONG and I knew I had to made some headway this weekend, possibly because it was the weekend before my final week of work. Beyond that maternity leave stretches out like a cursed blessing. We had already dismantled a lot of the furniture, but with much of this still piled up in the room it was hard to imagine how it could ever become the harmonious space I had envisioned. Luckily my dad (A.K.A. Superman) was on hand Saturday morning to shift the things that are currently too heavy for me, which is just about everything!

Goodbye old desk that saw me through Uni and beyond.
Goodbye craft storage tower; I have no time to enjoy you now anyway.
Farewell teenage wardrobe, come converted reptile housing, come bookshelf; you were my favourite.

And just like that the room was mostly empty (save the massive pile of shoes that I literally have NO place for - that's next weekend's problem). My Stuff, my past life, was gone. Thrown into the back of a trailer and headed for the tip. Just like that. Sigh. The joys of motherhood eh?

But this is what I'm talking about. I could dwell on the fact that my identity has been slowly stripped away over the last few years and replaced with something resembling my own mother (dear God), OR I could focus on the fact that I don't need the old me any more.

I don't need to be self-conscious about my body, because Eliza thinks I'm beautiful. I don't need to collect and breed pets like that are going extinct (seriously, I had 18 lizards at one point!) because I now have an outlet for my mothering, caring instincts. I don't need to throw myself into work, even at the weekends, because there is no time to be bored anymore!

Yes, it's still occasionally jarring to realise just how much my life has changed, but then I remember, I wasn't actually that happy before we started our little family. I battled with anxiety and depression for YEARS. Then Eliza arrived and there was no time to over think. Everything became so much simple, despite actually being more complicated. Being 'mummy' gave me a clarity of thought I had never known. The fact is I was a mum long before I had children. In reality I am more me  now that I ever was before.

So what are the positives from this weekend, I hear you ask:

1. The old cot was moved into the new baby room and I can actually see it, like really picture it as a baby's room now. I was even able to help lift it!
2. We managed to find just enough time to build our toddler's new 'big bed'.
3. She and I had a great time shopping for bedding chosen by her (and she managed to choose from the Sale!)
4. The toddler room is now (more or less) finished! Just need to get her a wee desk and chair (so cute!) It should do her for the next few years at least.
5. The cot fit! I wasn't 100% sure it would as it really is a very, VERY small room, but it fits and from what i can see so will the rest of the furniture we need :)

There is plenty left to do (hospital bag anyone?!) but I feel 100000000 x better heading into maternity leave knowing that the big jobs are mostly done, and the little things (and the toddler!) will keep me occupied until baby arrives.

All in all, a pretty successful weekend :)