I recently read that a famous celebrity mum was 'shamed' online for being honest about her pregnancy experiences. She openly admitted that she had hated being pregnant and that it was basically Hell for her from start to finish:
"I just don't think pregnancy and me really agree with each other [...] I'm really not complaining, I'm just being honest. ... I hate it. You know, pregnancy is not for me."
This prompted an immediate, fiery backlash online. Comments such as 'You don't deserve to have children' and 'How selfish, you should be ashamed of yourself' were rife. One argument that seemed to pop up most often was along the lines of 'How dare you complain when thousands of women struggle with fertility issues'.
I kind of get it. I do. Frankly this particular celebrity is well-known for being a vapid, selfish, whining waste of oxygen, which very likely doesn't help her cause. But I just cannot condone the negativity she has received in response to her comments.
PREGNANCY CAN BE S**T!
Not always.
Not all the time.
Not for everyone
But it absolutely CAN be.
In general, you will very likely feel like death (not even warmed up) for approximately 30 weeks out of 40. If anyone felt that ill for that long and wasn't pregnant there would be no end of sympathy and support. But the second a child is involved people get up in arms, ready to deny you your right to bare children simply because you didn't enjoy the journey.
Obviously the end result is worth it, otherwise we would have died out long ago. And not all pregnancies are the same either. My first was a walk in the park compared to my current 'rollercoaster'.
To put things into context (and before I am lynched), in the last 31 weeks I have experienced:
painful stomach cramps, bleeding which lasted over 8 weeks, miscarriage scares, persistent nausea, vomiting so much I couldn't even keep down water, several rather extreme bouts of diarrhea, uncontrollable shivering, blinding headaches, dry skin so bad my hands and feet have split open, severe pelvic girdle pain, lower back issues, all-over muscle cramps, swollen feet, constant blinding heartburn, insomnia, restless legs (and arms, and body!), worsening of asthma symptoms, random development of hay fever and other skin allergies, constantly itchy nose, bacterial infection, sore teeth and gums, AND I now have to regularly stab myself in the finger thanks to suspected Gestational Diabetes!!
That's not even including the indignity of vaginal exams, the 3 hour waits in hospital receptions, monthly weigh-ins, not being able to lift or move or do anything, or the fact that none of my clothes fit, not to mention the rapidly approaching horizon of the actual birth, breastfeeding and raising a baby with a toddler in the house!
*and breathe*
I LOOOOOOVE my daughter, more than anything else in the whole world. I cannot imagine a more perfect little human. I am positive I will feel the same about our second.
I have also hated this pregnancy.
Both can be true, and that's ok.
Yes the little nudges and kicks are quite wonderful (not so much the all-out stretches!), and I do love that for once my chest actually looks in proportion to my body. It's incredible to see her jumping and swallowing and kicking in black-and-white ultrasound pictures, but I've pretty much already decided I don't ever want to be pregnant again. I haven't completely ruled out a 3rd child maybe some time in the future, but honestly, given how much I have struggled through this pregnancy, and given how much harder it has been than my first, I just don't think I could put myself through it again.
I don't feel that makes me a bad person. One of my best friends has struggled with fertility issues to the point of pretty much giving up all hope. Another friend finds herself single, Aunty to 3 and desperate for a child of her own. Yet another finds herself (and her husband) under constant pressure to procreate when neither of them has any intention of doing so! My not enjoying this pregnancy doesn't make me blind to their struggles, I just wouldn't be cruel enough to complain about it in front of them. If I need to vent I know I have other mum friends who have had similar experiences and will offer a sympathetic ear. I know I can log in and have a rant anonymously on a pregnancy forum and find similar stories being shared in response. I know my husband is pretty much contractually obliged to listen to my complaining! In short, I know to choose my audience.
I suppose that's the difficulty with 'celebrity'; you can't really choose your audience. When Miss Thing made those comments, she made them to the world. While I am absolutely positive there will have been plenty of mums out there having a rotten old time and wholeheartedly agreeing with her, they were not the only ones who heard. It all boils down to point of view. She was short sighted in that she didn't think how her words might affect those with different experiences, such as those struggling to start a family. At the same time those posting hateful comments were only seeing her through their own narrow viewpoint, and need to take a step back and realise that not everyone goes through the same things in life. We all need to be a bit more mindful of that.
It's ok to hate being pregnant.
It's ok to be jealous of those who are pregnant.
It's ok to be contented by yourself and not want children.
It is NOT ok to shame others for feeling differently to you, no matter who they are.
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