Introductions and such

So.
Hi.
Probably just saying 'Hi' to myself as it's fairly unlikely anyone will ever read this, but just in case, Hello.
How are you?
... *pause for polite but vague answer*
Lovely.

OK, so the point of this here blog is mainly to stop me talking to myself... in public... again.
I've always found my inner-monologue to be more of an 'outer-narrator', which can be most off putting to my fellow humans (and the cat). Fortunately I now have a small child, so can pass off many of these 'episodes' as just-talking-to-the-baby-nothing-to-worry-about-please-don't-actually-listen type conversations. Unfortunately, re-living an 'argument' with your boss from 3 years ago (for example... not saying that's actually happened... (it totally has)) where you finally say what you really wanted to say, as opposed to the 'yes, you're right, I'll get right on it' that actually came out of your mouth, in the middle of your kitchen while the baby is in the next room having totally forgotten that your friend is also sitting within earshot, is an all too common occurrence!  Especially when you have been on maternity leave for what feels like a decade and a half (it's been about 6 months) and are seriously lacking in opportunities for 'adult conversation'.

Now, at this point I feel a little disclaimer is probably necessary *1 coffee 2 sugars - I wish I could spell*. I have not now, nor have I ever been diagnosed with any mental/physical health condition whereby I am UNAWARE that I am speaking allowed rather than just thinking in my head. I know I'm doing it. I often catch myself doing it, and give myself a talking to (again). Honestly, I just feel that I've probably been far too pants at keeping in touch with people over the years, resulting in my having limited resources (friends) through which to vent the many, many (MANY) thoughts racing through my brain at a given time. This is ENTIRELY my own fault.  Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who listens to (or at least smiles and nods at) much of my inane wittering. I also have a handful of very good, loyal, kind, (little bit weird) wonderful friends, to whom I feel forever indebted for their putting up with me!
*Just noticing the smell of wet dog has now reached the living-room, where I am, from the kitchen, where our new puppy is asleep. It's a good job your cute you little stinker!*
I simply feel that there is far too much (pardon the language) shit (sorry mum) which I carry around with me on a daily basis. Arguments which should never have been, or never were. That time a car swerved on the roundabout and nearly killed us; I have subsequently imagined over and over what might have happened had I not noticed his idiocy and implemented an emergency stop. What I would say to the Prime minister/ Donald trump/ the head of Education Scotland should I ever be allowed an audience with them. Much of this sprouts forth from my ridiculously ridiculous, vivid imagination. A lot of it, however, is rooted in regrets I have about the past. Things I should have said, but didn't. Things I shouldn't have said, but did. Interviews I messed up (or failed to get. God I want need a new job). People I've hurt. People I've lost. Any situation where I felt things went beyond my control and the results were 'less than favourable'. These are the 'conversations' I carry around with me every day, for no good reason, and I can tell you this much; I am exhausted.

So, to clarify, this blog shall be the digital ears to my imaginary problems! I shall vent. I shall share. I shall comment on the latest episode of 'Doctor Who'. (OMG did you see this weeks episode!? I was shocked. I mean shocked! Even watching it back a second time I was still totally taken in by that character, you know the one, despite KNOWING he wasn't who he said he was! That, my friends, is the power of truly magnificent acting!!)  I will endeavour to keep things as close to my actual train of thought as possible. You may have noticed the use of  ** parenthesis (added information). These will be used when information unrelated to my current line of thought pops into my head. *For example, the baby is now awake. My time grows short. *'Muppet Christmas Carole' anyone?** I will try to blog at least every few days.

If nothing else, I'm hoping this will be rather cathartic, like keeping a diary or watching 'Steel Magnolias' (the funniest film to ever make you cry- and I do, every time). I fully doubt that anyone will ever find any of this remotely interesting, though it might be nice if some of what I say strikes a chord for others out there. Mostly, I'd just be happy with the odd comment regarding whichever TV series I'm currently watching/ blogging about. ('Pretty Little Liars' final episode on Netflix tomorrow! Be there bitches! (Mum, that wasn't me swearing. That was me quoting. So it's ok. Right?))

I'll wrap this up now as I appear to have accidentally/on-purpose written a dissertation essay, when really, all I wanted to say was 'Hi'.